BabySky

Maybe/Maybe not.

Go on yurssel hen...

Woohoo - I officially love my accountant!

Was hugely worried about PAYE & NI but it turns out I’ve not been living beyond my means after all and everything is well in hand. I could be doing a lot better if I didn’t keep taking such long breaks between contracts – d’oh!

Off to the pub to celebrate then – nah – I kind of made someone a promise this morning and I don’t like breaking promises – especially to her.

Right - Off to gym to grow a chin [subs: only fourteen, Sickly 'n' thin, Tried all of my life, Just to grow me a chin – should’ve been careful what I wished for! ]

Haha - it's the only thing I do that could be considered cooking - it usually turns out really yummy though

Ahem! back to soppyness.

I was watching a panel show last week and one of the panelists was going on about going through his gran's personal stuff after she'd died - trying to piece together what her life was before she got married. He remarked how sad it was that it's getting so that won't be possible - we'd have to look through emails, text messages, blogs!

As he was talking I looked over at a shoe box I have with loads of lovely hand written letters and felt very lucky.

Love this song 'cos I imagine someone special singing it to me.

This version is one of the best I've heard - all the guff with the bird at the end spoils it a little though...

I don't f*cking think so!

Don't get me wrong now - I'm all for hearts 'n' flowers but sometimes...

Pure filth

Another unlikely collaberation...

[Kharybdis - don't you go getting any ideas ]

What's this - uplifting music on my blog - surely not?

Couldn't decide which version to blog so here's four - take yer pick...

Enigma - Return To Innocence
Radio Edit - 4:03
Long & Alive Version - 7:07
380 Midnight Mix - 5:55
Short Radio Edit - 3:01

Damien Rice - The Professor...

Like the song - not too sure about the ending though

This is v funny but rather sad too. Got loads I could say about this song but I'm too knackered - think I might go for a snoozzzzzzze

Hey subville - you said you hadn't heard of Brian S - you've probably heard of a few of his friends though.

The video/audio is a bit rough but this should give an idea of Mr. Setzer's credentials...

[subs I know you probably blogged this already but hey-ho - it's handy here - anyway wot U doin' reading this - don't you have better things to do? ]

I'm not religimous - in fact I'm religimously not religimous so Happy Holidays

This is what I used to trick my mum into liking Frank Zappa and it lasts just long enough to have a shower...

YAY - I said nothing would stand in my way!

I just scored big time!

Got three tickets for the final Stray Cats tour - Me, JMac and probably David (you know who I mean subs & scarymouche) - thank f*ck we watched Brian Setzer on youtube last night instead of rehearsing like we should. I set myself a reminder to check if BS was touring and did so this morning. Didn't want to trust things to ticketmaster so I went to the venue's box office - only 20 tickets left and the gig isn't until September!

I'm so chuffed I'm going to post one of theirs from the Beverly Brothers 1st rehearsal in ages in my lounge from a couple of years ago with a wee condeser mic &... ok excuses excuses.

Oooh & just been to the goddam gym for the second time this week so - endorphin russsssssssshhhhhhhhh - woo - f*cking - hoooooooooo!

Great rehearsal - NOT!

Unfortunately when JMac arrived I was youtubing Frank Zappa. It was decided that this was legitimate R&D - researching FZ & developing (more of) a beer belly!

Thankfully my pc crashed a couple of times (did I really say that?) and we managed a few tunes "For You Blue" (Beatles), "Two of Us" (Beatles), "Love of My Life" (FZ doo-wop thing - not Queen though I like that too), and oddly enough JMac had to push me into doing "Landslide" (Fleetwood Mac - written by SN).

We mostly watched FZ, Brian Setzer, and I forced Stevie Nicks on him (just after I had one of the local crew blow charlie up her ass!) - no of course I didn't - I got the tour manager to do it instead - no of course I didn't [HH voice].

We did watch her and that b*stard Buckingham (far too good) performing Landslide. Hope it hasn't put JMac off!

Another busking favourite to belt out

JMac coming round with 'The God Delusion' for me tonight, and I'm forcing him into a rehearsal - this is one that's going in the next set...

For anyone who might feel like a little "it'll be alright" music...

"Young Highwayman hyjacks bus" - yes - that's me driving.

I probably shouldn't encourage this but it does kind of look like it could be one of those cards you get in - well - card shops - with the disconcerting captions.

Go on then - do your worst! C'mon - there are some reaaaally obvious ones.

Anyone recognise those hills? Well if you do DON'T say so!

[Subs - posting some pics - will make some only for friends]

...but it really works.

In the middle of 'stuff' at the mo' but I had to post this in case I forget.

Never heard this song before - apparently this is to be the 'lead' single from the blokes new album.

If you've not heard this version (I'm assuming it's a cover or it would be BIG news) you'll be surprised - who would have put these two together either musically or - well any other way really.

Definitely on my 'duets' list. BTW - Beverly Brothers comeback (AGAIN!) tour of you know where - coming soon. A local band who were doing very well have split up and as a result their drummer, Juju, is very keen to play with JMac and I (not that he'll make much if any dosh out of it!) - guess that means we'll need a bassist too - Danny B won't take much persuading - he's not just a wee virtuoso lead guitarist - he can get away with drums too. Thankfully he can't sing for toffee!

Ahem! On with the song - go for it snowman boy...

After my attention was drawn to this song, bought the CD and had to listen to it, I realised I had heard it before. No, I’m not being cryptic I remember hearing it on the radio and I thought “What a waste – there’s two perfectly capable voices and yet there’s no harmony” - what an idiot! I'd completely missed the point (hadn't listened to the song 'properly') It should be sung in unison – that is the whole f*cking point – there are two characters in the song and they are “singing from the same hymn sheet” ‘cos they feel exactly the same.

I wonder if the 'lack of harmony' is also meant to be symbolic - I guess it's up to the listener.

Goes on my list of duets but I doubt I could sing it for the lump in my throat – perhaps if it was just reminiscing?

Long distance...

"Karla - look into my eyes, look into my eyes, not around my eyes..."

While I'm on a roll I'll bet Harry Hill sends that bit up on Saturday.

I win I win

1st scene!

OK - maybe it's obvious but I reckon all Gail the Camel will remember is that Jason was the last person she saw.

I shall follow this up with a D'oh! OR Woohoo!

...you might like this - possibly my favourite.

And it is NOT a Blancmange cover! I do like their version too though - ha ha - the wee bit of the Coronation Street theme tune they incorporate just after the line, "there's not a single episode of Dallas that I didn't see".

Was playing "ABBA Gold Greates Hits" this morning while doing sh*tloads of housework - this place is sparkling

I thought it a little spooky when I heard the news about their session drummer's bizzare accidental death - then I realised that I probably heard an ABBA song on the radio due to a DJ paying homage before deciding on my listening (guilty) pleasure - not so spooky then.

Here's six 'o the best from the poptastic four...

Take a Chance On Me ['ah' go on - ye will, ye will ]
Mamma Mia
Lay All Your Love On Me ['ah' I will, I will ]
Chiquitita
One Of Us
Waterloo

Hmm? I think there was a wee monkey character in Jungle Book that does that?!?!

Just found an email in my spam folder online (grrr! – bloody spam filters) from a ‘permie’ who works for my last client. I was slightly worried about the release of a load of software I’d designed/written/tested for a large government quango, as I’d left before the stuff was deployed. Apparently everything’s working just fine and only configuration changes were necessary and they didn’t have to alter my implementation in any way – WOO-HOO!

Yes very geeky I know but I’m chuffed – and more importantly, more confident about putting my rate up – shhhhhuck-ching!

Don't answer that!

Another couple of mellow ones from the King - only he could get away with that "talkie bit" in the first one.

Well are you? It's just an expression Marge!
Awe go on - pleeeeease - also just an expression!

Just heard this on Fiona ("I'm sitting on the luckiest chair in Britain" - yes I know I've said it before but it cracks me up) Bruce's Radio 2 show.

I'd absolutely love to sing this with someone one day. Others on my "duets I'd like to perform with a female" list are...

Baby It's Cold Outside.
Fairytale of New York.
The Ballad of Tom Jones.
Leather and Lace.
The Highwayman.

Anyone got any more suggestions?

I think this version is every bit as good as Frank & Nancy. Nicole really pulls it off but perhaps I'm a little biased as she kind of reminds me of someone ;-)

For some unfathomable reason I woke up feeling just fine today. I'm gonna play this really loud so I can hear it from the shower.

Mellow :-)

D'oh! I was trying to blog this "in time" but it's Sunday now...

[just got the "The Heart of Saturday Night" back from P&E - one of my inspirational "O.M.G. people can actually be happy together couple" friends but didn't make it home in time]

More moon stuff - I think I should try getting drunk on it too - sometimes just the thought of "it" is entoxicating...

His Latest Flame
Well I can't - I'm delusional and I don't care!
Ha! It's not just me then.

Continuing on the Roy theme.

Can't be arsed editing so direct paste from someone's web page...

Mystery Girl

Darkness falls and she will take me by the hand
Take me to some twilight land
Where all but love is grey
Where time just slips away
Without her as my guide

Night falls I’m cast beneath her spell
Daylight comes our heaven’s torn to hell
Am I left to burn
And burn eternally
She’s a mystery to me
She’s a mystery girl
She’s a mystery girl

In the night of love words tangled in her hair
Words soon to disappear
A love so sharp it cuts like a switchblade to my heart
Words tearing me apart
She tears again my bleeding heart
I want to run she’s pulling me apart
Fallen angel cries
Then I just melt away
She’s a mystery to me
She’s a mystery girl
She’s a mystery girl
She’s a mystery girl

Haunted by her side the darkness in her eyes
But that so enslaves me

Night falls I’m cast beneath her spell
Daylight comes our heaven’s torn to hell
Am I left to burn
And burn eternally
She’s a mystery to me

---

You can listen to this song and it will get to you but isn't it brilliant that although you hear the words perfectly clearly, if you just read them, they stand up as poetry all on they're own - it's a mystery?!?!

Just remembered something daft. I was going busking one day many years ago when I had hair. Standing at the tram station with black guitar case, black jeans, black sort of American airman style "crew" jacket (from "Star Hire" I seem to remember) and black shades.

Some kids started trying to gently take the piss and ended up asking me what my name was. "Roy Orbison" I replied - so they continued to call me Roy for the duration of the journey - they weren't pain in the ass type kids and I remember enjoying the banter. When I left the tram they all said "see ya Roy" - blissfully unaware I assure you.

Wonder if any of them will become familiar with the real Roy, remember me, and have a "D'oh!" moment? Hmm? The phrase "senior moment" has already been well coined - have I just stumbled across the "junior moment" I wonder? Questions, questions - I could always ask Bob Dylan but apparently he knows f*ck all as he's been asking people how many this that and the next thing for years now - I do like Bob but there is a side to me that would like to heckle him when he's singing "Blowin' in The Wind" and turn it into blowing in the wind-up by actually answering each question with a megaphone, stealthily changing location for each answer so as not to be caught by security - ramble, ramble.

Not sure it'll be my last post of the night but sweet dreams anyway...

This one's for Kharybdis ('cos of her moniker)...

Was browing youtube watching Brian Setzer stuff and found some early covers stuff he'd done with the Stray Cats - here's the originals.

Surely?
You never know!

This rocks!

For all you guys 'n' dolls out there - more class

blow on my [ahem!] dice baby

...yeah I wish.

This is class. Oh and NOT a message to anyone - just love the song, the voice, the guitar.

I have the DVD this is from and that awe struck look on the Japanese audience is completely understandable.

Next time this guy's touring the UK I am definitely going to see him - nothing will "stand in my way" :-)

Go for it Mr Setzer...

[Homer Simpson - "It's like deja vu all over again"]

Was just watching the end of a film, "Deja Vu" with Denzil Washington and this was playing on a car radio.

Mmmmmm - nice...

And this will forever remind me of sitting under some trees in a park when I was 15 years old. Talking to the girl I loved about 'growing up'.

As in - Cash, Nelson, Jennings & Kristofferson.

Was going to try to stay off this today and get stuff done but I couldn't resist.

The first music I heard this morning wasn't on the radio - got up a bit late but in time to see the end of bbc breakfast (the guest spot) where the guest was Kris Kristofferson and they were showing a clip with him playing this...

Not the inspiration for my username but wow! - all those distinctive seasoned voices - so distinguished - Country Royalty

I looked up at it tonight (on the way to that PI place - full circle?) and thought of you - looking at the same moon too - you [insert appropriate novelty sock legend that rhymes here ;-)]

...and this time he's still in action.

Awe D&B are so lovely together but poor B fell asleep in the pub - well ok the PI bar - they serve most excellent pies and are located at 3.1428 Madchester Road.

Was on way home and considering "the whiskey option" as unfortunately there is an "offie" very near to where I live that will sell the poison to you up until the witching hour.

I decided - slightly drunk as I am - not to take the option. "I'll go home and take the pain" - thought our toasted cheese loving hero.

So "smokin" now instead - it's still a vice but hey - one thing at a time!

Off ou to meet Danny & Bridgette as it's Bridgette's 30th.

Kharybdis - I'm still available on my mobile for tech-support if you need it - you might have to ring really loundly though :-)]

[note to self: no drunken rambling when you get back]

One of the compilation tapes made for me years ago, was accompanied by a letter that listed all the songs on the tape, lovingly annotated with what each song meant to her. This one said "Say no more babes!" - awe sweet.

Yes I've heard the stuff about the "rude" connotations but just ignore all that - it's mmmmmmmmmm nice

Ha! Song playing on the radio when I turned it on today was Haircut 100 - "Fantastic Day".

Is it an omen I ask myself? Yes - so I'm going for a haircut! Actually it's not really a haircut - when I go to my local barber and sit in the chair he just asks, "number?".

---

Fantastic Day
Well there`s a great amount of strain
About getting on that train
Every day and every night
The only thing that makes it good
Is seeing my favourite sight
Prance and flutter stride down that green escalator yeah
When I`m getting off my train
And my love is on my brain
Every day and every night
The only thing that makes it right
Is seeing my favourite sight
Crying in the night with the summer in her eyes tonight
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well I can find a funny feeling
Funny as a smile
When your mouth is all dry
Why?
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well it`s a fantastic day today
Well it`s a fantastic day
I know I`ve lost myself again
True love has past me by
I tried to shave myself
Be a happier guy
Night and day
I can see it in your eyes
Now the summer never smiles
On a happy honey day
Am I being in the way?
When I`m so in love with you
I can`t sit down and I cry in pain
With night and day
Fantastic day today
Fantastic day
Well it`s a fantastic day today
Well it`s a fantastic day

This is such delicious, beautiful filth and I absolutely love it! How the f*ck did they get away with it?

The music is simple yet somehow intricate - howz that then? Always loved performing this - even managed to sing the lead while playing drums once upon a time - maybe that's why I think it's intricate - singing and drumming hardly ever go together (c.f. Phil Collins!).

If anyone ever asks me if I've ever been truly happy, all I have to do is think of this song.

It reminds me of a wonderful time [subs: just after I moved into JG's huge but crap house] in my life just after all my financial worries disappeared almost overnight (for a while anyway!) + improved self esteem as I'd gone from busking (difficult) to bringing in a very decent amount of dosh (easy - go figure). I did indeed feel "like a sweepstakes winner" but it wasn't really down to finances.

I guess a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, as they say, and I was free to experience and really enjoy the time of my life with the love of my life. "Really enjoy" just doesn't do it justice whatever "it" was - we had such a wonderful time then and I felt like I was falling in love with her all over again. OK getting too soppy again.

"Say - highwayguy - just count me in man"

"Ok Bob - and a one, and a two, and a.."

"Hey brudda - do we look like a marching band to you?"

Was looking for the original as I bought 'Legend' before (in Morrisons £5.99 - bargain) and I kind of feel that this song is missing from the album. Found this & listened right through even though I was slightly disappointed at first.

Very glad I did - this is lovely and Lauryn's rap is just beautiful (I find it very odd when a rap brings a tear to my eye).

On a lighter note - some Frank talkin'

OOH Saucy! & V Funny
Love this song - go Ray go - wotta voice!

Not Lewis - Annie!

Just been listening to a compilation tape (well it is from a few years ago) someone made for me. "My True Love" followed by "No More I Love You's" - so you can guess what shape I'm in!

Ach never mind- get it out laddie it's good for you - aye right!

Oh dear - I'm talking to myself on my blog and I haven't even taken the trouble to use a "comment" to reply to myself?!?!

Some mellow SN for night time - soppy alert though!

Just listened to a really beautiful Stevie Nicks song - “Second Time Around” – I wonder if she wrote another entitled “Third Time Lucky"

Ha - at bloody last - CV done although I'd best review it again tomorrow before distributing. Noticed I apparently had been using SQL Server 200 - I'd like to see that abacus! [note to self: shut it ya geek!]

I HAVE started updating my sodding CV - well ok I've started writing notes on what the f*ck I was doing for the last 6 months.

Don't get me wrong I AM actually very enthusiastic when I get my teeth into a project but it's difficult getting that across on paper without sounding kind of inexperienced.

Blah blah - just get on with it!

Right! I've just closed outlook so I don't even know if anyone is replying to blog stuff - definitley not coming back until this sodding thing is done!

Byeeee

...our hero was saved by toasted cheese

Ooh! One slice drizzled in L&P before toasting, then peppered with - well - pepper. T'other smothered in small chunk Branston.

Our hero lives to bite another day - phew!

Cheese makes you act funny

This poem has haunted me before - never thought it would again but oh well [sigh]. Only short but no matter as it knocks you out in the first round! Well - it does me anyway.

It's by Robert Burns regarding Jean Armour - allegedly the love of his life.

O Jeany, though hast stolen away my soul!
In vain I strive against the lov'd idea:
Thy tender image sallies on my thoughts,
My firm resolves become an easy prey!

This always conjured an image in my mind of a park in my home town - I realised why only a few years ago and now it will be forever so.

Vague & soppy - hey ho.

No - It's Sweep!

I like Sweep

Something a bit cheery for a change ;-)

Went for a quick nap around 9 - didn't awaken until about 14:30.

So still no updated CV - and I'm blogging when I should be off to Morrisons again [note to self: no sniffing strange women be they Angel-ed, Coco-ed or woteva]

Oi! Get on wi that essay ya wee besom! Aye right - bloody rich (another great drummer BTW) coming from me - Mr Productive!

I hearby promise to update my CV before I do any more blogging - see y'all in a week or two!

Time for 'that subject' again.

One of the most 'romantic' gestures (actually gesture isn't the right word because it was much more than that) I ever made was singing/playing this song to YKW on a certain street when we first met again after nearly 20 years.

She said she'll remember it when she's an old granny with a blue rinse - somehow I can't ever see her with that hairdo - she'll just always be gorgeous so she will :-)

I can't tell you how nervous of that gig I was - more than any other - ever. But I acted dead cool like I wasn't - I think?

Did that dumb thing of ending up at a loose end and wandering out to the pubs to find no one around.

I am definitely going to start organising my social life (liver on Mondays, kidneys on Tuesdays, Heart.... - eh?!?!?!?!).

Amy Mac's version of Sweet Caroline was ace on "Guilty Pleasures" tonight.

Was channel hopping earlier and stopped on "The Culture Show" on BBC2 - some poems by Scottish poets, two of which absolutely floored me. One was called "One Cigarette" - bittersweet & beautiful & red by one of my fave actresses who's name escapes me - bloody senior moment - d'oh!

One Cigarette
No smoke without you, my fire.
After you left,
your cigarette glowed on in my ashtray
and sent up a long thread of such quiet grey
I smiled to wonder who would believe its signal
of so much love. One cigarette
in the non-smoker's tray.
As the last spire
trembles up, a sudden draught
blows it winding into my face.
Is it smell, is it taste?
You are here again, and I am drunk on your tobacco lips.
Out with the light.
Let the smoke lie back in the dark.
Till I hear the very ash
sigh down among the flowers of brass
I'll breathe, and long past midnight, your last kiss.

What a strange morning I'm having.

Couldn't sleep so got up and started to blog at 6amish (eh? how'd Harrison Ford get in here?) - I'd had one of those dreams that was kind of still lingering after waking. Someone had just been trying to teach me a lesson - ah yes - the denial phase! Oh yeah and ridiculous as it is I keep thinking I'm seeing 'her' all over the place. It's not impossible that it could be her (like when someone dies and you keep thinking you're seeing them in the crowd) but extremely unlikely. EEK! What with doing double takes all over the place and following that woman wearing 'Angel' perfume around Morrisons, I must look like a really shifty character

Dozed on the sofa for a while, and then checked the site around 7am. To my surprise I discovered that the night nurse had visited while I was sleeping and put a wee bandage on my broken heart.

I'm not letting it go to my head but it is very soothing - ta 'Florence' - does that make me Zebedee? [boing boing - time for bed ]

Slept a little more soundly for a few hours and waking up was very odd - I don't remember whatever dream was the source of my confusion but I actually got as far as getting off the sofa and standing up before realising that I wasn't in the flat I lived in previously!?!? It could just be that the reason I was on the sofa is my neighbours were just a bit too noisy for me to sleep in the bedroom, which used to happen quite frequently in my previous residence - it was still really strange though.

This mornings outlook: Tentatively positive (if you can have such a thing)

Now I know I'm a mentalist - had an "everything's alright" dream - and then it wasn't - b*ll*x!

Maybe someone out there knows what I mean - don't think too hard just listen.

Tom Waits for no man [insert trombone noise for bad joke here].

EEK! I'm not suggesting that I'd ever pay for a hooker - erm - I mean sex worker - erm - I mean that I wouldn't use their services for free either - erm I mean I'll just shut up

Referring to that line about $15 for a prostitute with too much make-up and a broken shoe. "Her eyes were just a couterfeit, they tried to gyp me out of it" - Tom Waits is a hero-poet of mine.

The Temptations rocked/soul-ed or wotevea - on the JR show tonight.

Fantastic - although the silly gestures and dancing was reminiscent of "Take That" or any generic boy band which was a bit embarrassing to watch.

Last song was spectacular - funnily enough - my papa was a kind of rolling stone who did see a lot of the world - a "Journeyman" (as is on my birth Cert.) - other than that, the song doesn't apply to me personally.

Why am I saying this - oh yeah I'm drunk :-(

[just cuz I iz paranoid don't mean it ain't so]

Jonathan Ross has "The Temptations" (how sodding apt) standing in for 4 poofs & a piano and they opened with... "I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go, If I have to beg" etc.

B*st*rds!

It can't be right - it just doesn't add up. Whenever there is anything bizzare/troubling/depressing - just generally "heavy" going on in my life it is absolutely ALWAYS reflected somehow in Coronation Street - it's a RULE - it's just always been true.

So how come there is not a single character with any of my "symptoms" on The Street? There is something wrong with the universe - watch out people for Armageddon may soon be upon us!

I was going to say "going to be a bit anti-social at the moment" too - but have relented for the moment - moments!

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That was me randomly pressing fists against my keyboard in frustration

When you see a guy reach for stars in the sky
You can bet that he's doing it for some doll.
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain
Chances are he's insane as only a John can be for a Jane.
When you meet a gent paying all kinds of rent
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal.
Call it sad, call it funny.
But it's better than even money
That the guy's only doing it for some doll.
When you see a Joe saving have of his dough
You can bet there'll be mink in it for some doll.
When a bum buys wine like a bum can't afford
It's a cinch that the bum is under the thumb of some little broad.
When you meet a mug lately out of the jug
And he's still lifting platinum folderol
Call it hell, call it heaven
But it's probable twelve to seven
That the guy's only doing it for some doll.

When you see a sport and his cash has run short
Make a bet that he's banking it with some doll.
When a guy wears tails with the front gleaming white
Who the hell do you think he's tickling pink on Saturday night?
When a lazy slob takes a goody steady job,
And he smells from vitalis and barbasol.
Call it dumb, call it clever
Ah, but you can get odds forever
That the guy's only doing it for some doll
Some doll, some doll
The guy's only doing it for some doll!

This should be compulsory listening for all drummers - especially rock drummers who have a tendency to "show off" too much. This is just really clever stuff from Mr. Bonham. I love the way that even though this is obviously reggae, Bonzo plays it in a rock fashion (not doing that off-beat thing - although if you listen carefully, you'll hear that shaker thing doing the off-beat). He has a reputation for having known when "not to play" or certaily how to keep it simple while being very imaginitive about it - kinda like The Beatles - blah blah...

It is such a beautiful song and expresses my sentiments right now pretty well really - my only problem with it is that when he sings the phrase "I have to pay" I always think that he has "toupe" - most appropriate in my case as I could do with one!

Ach I know it will be better in time and all that guff but for now...

Just when I thought I was starting to pull it together I got a 'cruel to be kind' message & have lost the plot again.

Should be either updating my CV (which usually takes me ages but is kind of confidence boosting - not that my confidence needs boosting - that's not troubling me at all really) or writing a final (no really this time the real final honest) letter to the person I seem to be moaning on about on this blog all the time.

But my heart is heavy again and I'm just going to let myself off and be an a**hole again for the day

Will no doubt post some more soppy music or whatever - maybe I should post some angry music instead - nah - can't get angry about any of 'it' - and never with 'She' - ah - that reminds me - got to rip something else to post.

Erm? Bottoms up! Cheers! Down-the-hatch! Chin-chin

[Yes subs this is addictive] I'm going to try to have a rule from tomorrow - only one choon a day on the blog. Should probably limit myself to an hour a day or something too as I really should be getting on with other stuff.

Anyway, some more soppy stuff (should probably make a rule about soppy stuff too!)...

I wonder are there millions or just thousands of men all over the world feeling like this right now...

One of the backing singers sounds a lot like Kate Bush but I doubt that it is.

Goodnight to anyone who's listeneing

Mmmm nice :-)

This is a podcast from BBC Radio 4's "In Our Time" series "marshalled" by Melvyn Bragg & I'm glad of that otherwise the contributors might have completely missed the point that Alan Turing studied Ada's notes.

I absolutely love that she was the first person to realise that the analytical engine they were developing wasn't just a number cruncher and was capable of so much more. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have been able to write all this stuff here (on a PC connected to web etc.) without her as there are many resposible for this (Bertrand Russell being one of my personal faves), but I just love her "table thumping", trying to get it across to the folks actually developing the bloody thing what it could be used for - well abstractly anyway - that it is a machine for manipulating symbols according to a pre-defined set of instructions - oops! - I'm spoiling the show.

Honestly - it's not that geeky - have a listen.

Steve Harley & Cokney Rebel	Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)
Mis-Teeq	Scandalous

"The Highwayman" is why my username is so.

"Leather And Lace" became more signifigant to me years later when it was brought to my attention that Stevie and Don Henley (who are dueting on the song) were lovers.

I realised after listening to this today that the tape YKW made of 'Bella Donna' for me in 1982, which was taped from vinyl, had side 2 recorded before side one - I think it's better that way.

Also realised how many drum riffs I've ripped off from that album without realising it!

Subville - Remember my wee drumming practise pad? Awe sweet - read some of another letter from YKW where she told me of her memories of me (at 15/16) "drumming on a wee pad thingy" in my room and how it made her feel (I can't say it here!). Said she's never been out with anyone else at all musical and anytime she SEEN (affectionate chuckle) a drummer on TV she always thought of me & it gave her goosebumps - so lovely.

I should maybe not read any more of these letters for now - they were meant to have an emotional effect on me and they bloody well do!

From "Bella Donna" - Stevie Nicks
The Highwayman
Leather And Lace
Edge Of Seventeen

Accounts for the year done - accountant emailed - just have to wait for the bad news now

Think I'll go for a walk - going stir crazy in here and need to go to the bank anyway - blah blah.

Well that's the beard gone. Time to do the TCB (taking care of business)thing.

But first - bought some novelty cups from a wee tobacconist/gift shop ("I weel not buy theese record - eet ees scratched") on the street of subville's very first address ever.

I am currently drinking from one with the following text on it...

---

Besom (biz-um) bisom. Dialect, chiefly Scot. ~n.
1. obstreperous girl or woman; female upstart [as in "Dinnae pou' yer brither's hair, ya wee besom"]. 2. woman of low moral standing; a hussy ("Thon yin's a right mucky besom"). 3. broomstick or scourge; any broom made from loose twigs. 4. a comet or it's tail.

---

YKW chose that one to drink from so obviously it is now sacred and only I can drink from it - KIDDING - not that sad honestly.

Yes what a choob indeed – I started a post with the same title as this one earlier and I thought it was just going to be a quickie so just typed directly into the editor in the browser instead of copy/pasting from word or whatever. I think I was up to about 2500 words then lost the whole bloody thing due to a mouse spasm or something. I shall be all superstitious, take it as an omen and not post any of the stuff I’d written.

Oh yeah and I think I’ll use a ‘proper’ editor in future.

This is getting a bit like a confession box thingy and I'm not now and have never been Catholic.

Yes what a choob indeed. Drank myself into oblivion again last night - in fact there hasn't been a night I haven't done that since 'Black Saturday' (23rd Feb) but last night was 'over' excessive (if there is such a thing). Couple of pints of Eurofizz before dinner - just looking for some company really - someone new to bore to bits! Didn't find anyone so off home after buying a sodding 1/2 bottle of cheap nasty whiskey (choob choob choob!). Drank most of that before having a sad b*d microwave meal for one and then going out to the offie for 1/4 cheap nasty whiskey. It's not like I can't of known what an a**hole I was being as I remember being too embarrased to go to the same offie I'd bought the first stomach stripper from.

And the result of all this? Did I have a blissful happy night? Did I get 'things' out of my system? Of course not!

Woke up early feeling awful and just lay there with all this stuff messing up my head. Mornings like that I always seem to find something to feel guilty for and today it was just about every thing I've ever done that hurt a certain person.

Also found that I'd sent a soppy text to the woman who came to the pub with me the other night - the completely mad thing about that is I was apologising for sending a soppy text I'd sent the night before, thanking her for the chat we'd had - the second txt was possibly even more soppy than the first! It's ok though - that particular person knows me very well and is probably expecting another text from me today - apologising for the text from last night!

Ever notice when you drink too much you have a f**k of a lot of apologising to do?

Another dumb thing I did (I do actually remember doing this at least!) was send YKW a txt asking her not to send me a reply to a letter I'd written her just yet as I had more to say (well I do so I suppose I will). Perhaps I'm worried about the response I'm going to get anyway - she has written so beautifully of her feelings towards me over the years that I guess she could be just as eloquent when telling me where to go!

Right (I really do keep saying that like I’m about to get on with things and then do bugger all!) – I seem to have a beard so that’s gotta go before I do anything else. And I really am going to attend to business today (Yeah right – start ‘work’ at 2pm – great!)

Hmm? That’s nowhere near 2500 words – wonder why I thought that?

Aha - it's my lack of German language skills - Zeichen must mean characters or letters or something - but definitely not 'words' (bottom left of the simple editor).

Norah Jones - as in NOT Auntie Norah - no speaking in tongues nonsense here! From the album "Feels Like Home"
What Am I To You?
Those Sweet Words
In The Morning
Don't Miss You At All ( Aye right - like the 10cc thing)

Tried to open the spreadsheet I use for doing my books and because I'd installed the 2007 trial version of office a while ago (so I could do some InfoPath crap at home), I couldn't update the sheet without either converting to (paying for) the full product or uninstalling (which is what I'm doing now [drumming fingers tum tee bloody tum]). I doubt my installation will conveniently roll back so I'm expecting to have to re-install office XP - bloody great.

Sometimes I wish I was - hmmm? let me see - a groundskeeper?

D'oh indeed!

Oh dear I really am losing the plot. Bought a Garth Brooks CD just for these two tracks. I wonder if that trick about playing country songs backwards works? If only.

What She's Doing Now
More Than A Memory

Had to pay a visit to the supermarket today (to avoid doing paperwork obviously). Ended up following a woman around (eek!) 'cos she was wearing perfume that YKW wore frequently - "Angel" - it's gorgeous stuff just like her. I ended up in the local perfume shop asking if they had any (how sad is that?), which they didn't :-(

Opened up my little box of letters and stuff from her to find that the tissue with "Angel" on it she'd sent me years ago had only the faintest whiff. I still might get some - just to enjoy every now and then - maybe that would just be torturing myself though.

Ach well - here's an appropriate Kirsty song...

Funny as f**k - met a very good friend of mine in Somerfield last night. Sneaked up beside her while she was pondering which weight watchers product to purchase - "Surely you don't need that?" - which she doesn't 'cos she's just lovely so she is but nonethelesss... hee hee having your guilty secret discovered by one of your ex's - just what a girl needs. Nah - quick "rabbit in the headlights" moment followed by much laughter.

I'd mentioned my "sad situation" to her on the phone and she was willing to lend an ear so we went to the pub for a quick one (ok a quick three) and a chat.

[AHHH! - Radio 2 - "Gold" by John Stewart: not a significant song or anything but I recognised the distinctive voice of the other singer - Stevie Nicks - a favourite of YKW and mine. Over the years that voice has always brought her to mind. She made me a tape of 'Bella Donna' when I was 15 and I had it for years - in fact it won't surprise me if I find it again or maybe just the box]

Ahem! - back to my original topic...

She (my friend I was out for a drink with) asked me what conclusion I would want as regards YKW. She reminded me how unhappy I had been in [insert mystery town here] - "miserable" is how she described it.

I'm of the opinion that although miserable, much of my state of mind was to do with the way of life I'd adopted. Not making any effort to maintain other friendships, and often not making any effort with her. Why? I think much of it was deliberate - trying not to have bonds that might be too difficult to break - perhaps even making myself miserable to give myself a reason to leave as I'd always maintained that being there was temporary.

I've come to see this all too clearly as I've ended up doing almost the same thing down here - well the "not making any effort to maintain friendships" thing. The thing is I think it just takes more effort to have a "good" social life as we get older. Friends move away, get married, have kids etc. so I shouldn't be so surprised that I can't just nip into the pub and find friends to have a laugh with. There's a load of things I could've done to make life a whole lot better up there but I didn't (regrets - sigh).

So - what conclusion then? This may sound unbelievable but I would gladly go back "up there" and have things go back to the way they were (with the exception of me being grumpy miserable hermit guy!) - me & YKW stealing whatever time we could. There's a reason why a cliche is a cliche and sometimes you really don't realise what you have until it's taken away from you.

But hey - I know that's not going to happen now so there's no point in wishing for it. I really just need to do that "making an effort" thing down here.

Me & she seem to have spun around on some abstract emotional axis. I'd been holding her at bay for some time now (although I couldn't always keep that up) and now that I want to stop that bloody nonsense, she wants to hold me at bay - in fact she doesn't even want to do that really - no contact whatsoever :-(

Anyway, I explained to my friend in the pub how either she had been lying to me for the last 6 years (which of course I do not believe) or up until recently, YKW was completely besotted with me. I also expressed my puzzlement at that - "how could anyone be besotted with me?" kind of thing. My friend just tilted her head slightly and gave me a twinkly wee look that said it all - ach she's so bloody good to me sometimes - really lovely woman - either that or she's taken to wearing contact lenses!?!?

Another friend popped in to the pub (yes I know what I said before about not finding anyone down the pub – this was a rare occurrence) and joined us – how bizarre – being Mr. Misery about one ex, sitting in a pub with two other ex’s while drunk guys that I vaguely know were trying to “hit on” the girls – strangely, I only felt slightly uncomfortable!

Ended up having a lovely meal cooked for me (and that’s ALL ok!) by the woman who joined us – woo-hoo – dinner made for me for two nights in a row. Me going on about YKW ended up reminding her of a previous “love of her life” who died some time ago, which upset her and I ended up listening to her outpourings for a change – ooh feel the empathy baby.

Right (I keep saying that) – It’s cooking the books day – erm no – completing my accounts day so I’d best GET ON WITH IT!

WARNING!

If you've never heard this before there is a very good chance it will have you sobbing.

OK, OK, I'm getting on with it but I'm guilty of having a peek at this...

"SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23RD-DECEMBER 21ST)
A situation in your personal life is beginning to spiral out of control. In fact if you are not careful it’s going to affect your work soon Sagittarius. Decide on a path and take it but don’t allow others to dictate to you. Call now for independence and power"

See if you can guess where I got it - right - back to the grind - I know it's only housework but hey - I'm a bloke.

AAAHHH! Got to quit with all the moping about stuff. Company year end, PAYE, NI, VAT - sometimes I wish I'd used an umbrella company - d'oh!

Maybe it's just as well as with the moping comes the not giving a f**k about myself stuff - notably far too much drinking

Got to get back to that disciplined routine I'd been enjoying or before I know it it'll be too late.

On a lighter note - went out yesterday with my friends Danny (the blonde guitar virtuoso in the band with no name)& Bridgette (they're married) - ended up having dinner at their place. Heartening to see that two people can actually be happy together.

Right - might leave the accounts for the day as I really need to tidy this place up (where's my magic wand?). [Note to self: stop getting yourself into sink or swim situations - oh & get your chin off the floor you big girls blouse!]

Awe Subs - I've only just noticed the File->View message history feature on messenger.

Found some lovely conversations I'd had with YKW (and some where they are obviously hurting - hate that I made them feel that way). I foolishly open a doc I'd saved with loads of emails from them too - That person is just so eloquent - so beautiful - I was 'blessed' (and you probably realise that is not a word I would ever use - how did it get in here?).

A piece of advice: When being heartbroken all over the place - DO NOT LISTEN TO SUNDAY LOVE SONGS! C'mon you know it's true. It's bad enough that every other song, advert, ringtone(!!!) is getting at you - in fact I've just noticed that the wee toolbar in this text editor (just above top left of the text box in the 'simple editor') says FUKD :-(

Once, I was travelling by train coming back to where I am now (geographically speaking anyway!) from my home town. It wasn't long after my birthday & I'd just had a lovely time with someone I was having a long-distance relationship with but the completely unexpected gut-wrenching despair I felt when I had to leave her had me in a spin - you know - that spiralling downwards feeling. OOPS! - this was meant to be funny - d'oh! Anyway at some point in the journey I visited the loo. When I looked for the flushing device I saw a sign instructing me to 'Depress Lever', and miserable as I was, found a great deal of mirth in sitting there for a bit and starting... "Well it's like this Mr. Lever, there's this wonderful woman I've fallen head over heals for but we can't be together etc. etc."

Hey Subville - 'Dream' - Everly Brothers on SteveWSLS - no punk bit though - I don't think I could get to the end of that song without the 'light relief' in the middle.

AAHH! 'Started With a Kiss' - Hot Chocolate? - I should take my own advice!